New website, new business

Howdy. I just want to let everyone know I've started a new editing business, which is represented by this website:

www.augusteditorial.co.uk

Please wander on over and click a few buttons (and keep me in mind for all your editing needs). The website is a work in progress -- any and all feedback is appreciated.

Dreams

I dreamt my beautiful flat had become so disgusting that there was an expansive ecosystem living the fetid piles of filth. Spiders would grow so fat that their yellow-and-black striped abdomens would burst and hang in tatters as they scrambled through the layers of pee-soaked rugs and discarded fast food wrappers. The cats staged a protest and dragged their overflowing litter boxes into the living room, which they had politely covered with towels to minimize offense to their delicate, wrinkled noses. Frogs would rape each other in the laundry room amongst cat litter spills and heaps of unwashed towels. Everywhere except the children's table, which was sparkling clean but set in the middle of the living room where it did not maximize space. The first thing I did was move it in front of the windows…

…and the whole problem was that I was actually in California, visiting my boyfriend, and was supposed to be in Barnaby, working on a series of short films, and was so scatterbrained that I had left half my luggage at the airport and wouldn't return their calls. When I went to McDonald's, I'd frequently steal my food, not because I was immoral, but because I'd forget that you had to pay for things.

But all of that was done now. Enough was enough. (The poor kitties, dealing with rapist frogs and exploding spiders and who knows what else.) I was going to clean my house, and I was going to clean it now.

30 Years from Now and 75 Years Ago

I wrote something, but then I edited out all the unnecessary words and all that was left was this:



And then I wrote something else:

When you're seventy-five and the whole world thinks you're old, I'll laugh and I'll ask you if you remember thirty years ago when I wrote you that one thing but all that came out was "I love you". And you’ll laugh too and pat my hand and say of course you remember, even if you really don’t.

27 Years Have Passed Since Then.

Has anyone had that ideal age that they can't wait to reach? For Lyra it's eight. She even had me type it out on the keyboard tonight: "Lyra is excited to be 8 years old." Yeah, well, me too, Lyra. I'm sure you'll be just as cool when you're eight.

I used to be a pretty devout Catholic, and as such (or perhaps, not as such), I used to believe that God would do me favors. If I prayed really hard, why wouldn't he grant me a simple wish? Not being satisfied with the limited life of a kid, I would ask, very nicely, to be shown images of the future: to dream of my life when I'm 27. Because that was the perfect age.

He never followed through.

But one thing he did, if he did anything at all, was allow me to create 27. To become 27. To still be alive, to have this rich and wondrous life. Or maybe I did dream of it, of sitting on the bed typing away, next to my husband, next to my dog sucking too fervently on his blanket, my child asleep in the other room: maybe I saw all this, and didn't recognize it as my own.

And that's fine. I suppose God deserves the benefit of the doubt.

A Moment of Peace

Photographs I took from the airplane on our way to Italy.

Lyra's Philosophy

"Teddy thinks I'm his toy, but really, you, me, and Teddy - we're all Barbies. God's Barbies. And when he loses us, we die!"

New Blog

I have a new blog, hopefully temporary as this agony slowly lifts. It chronicles my new and final attempt to quit smoking, hopefully providing me some sort of accountability and, perhaps more importantly, a distraction. Feel free to read it, but be warned: I don't know how much you're going to take away. It's necessarily ego-centric and self-absorbed. But maybe it'll be useful for someone, either in commiseration or if someone needs to take a good hard look at someone even more desperate than they are. That makes people feel better sometimes.

So here it is: Breathe.